Finding confidence in your new mom bod is HARD.
Finding confidence in your new body can be overwhelming especially when you go on instagram, or any social media there are so many people that say something along the lines of ‘just remember what beautiful thing your body just accomplished.’ Or ‘It took nine months for your body to get here, it will take time to get back to normal.’
While this is definitely so true, and you really did just go through something so amazing, so huge. But knowing that, and putting that information to use every minute of every day, is easier said then done. Some moments, it’s so easy to look at your body and feel proud of what it’s gone through, but other moments?
Like when you try to put those pre pregnancy pants back on, and they don’t fit. Or even worse, they do fit and you feel like a sausage being stuffed into it’s casing. I’ve been there. I still have days when I’m there, and in those moments those well meaning people with their well meaning advice just doesn’t matter.
You think to yourself ‘yeah okay, it’s so easier for these moms to say that because their bodies are amazing!’ Or they must be lucky enough to have husbands that watch the babies while they work out. They must have all this awesome spare money to buy that expensive work out gear. Or whatever else pops to mind when you start comparing yourself to others. Let’s not forget to mention that they always tell you not to compare yourself to others, but how are you supposed to do that when it’s all over instagram? Yes you could stay offline, but then how are you supposed to get your 5 seconds of alone time to destress?
I’m going to tell you what I have done, what I have learned in hopes of it helping you come to realize how gorgeous, strong and sexy you really are. Even when you may not really feel it.
You are the thinker of your thoughts. You are the one finding your confidence.
I found this in a podcast with Jim Fortin and Brendan Burchard on the mind your business podcast http://mindyourbusinesspodcast.com/podcast/114, if you want to check it out it really did effect me very deeply. I think it’s something that could help everyone, so I highly suggest you give it a listen if you get the chance.
Jim uses it for being more successful and to explain the law of attraction, but I’ve put it to use in some other areas. I have an alarm set for 9:15 with the title ‘you are the thinker of your thoughts.’ It’s my daily reminder that if I start to wallow, and commit to a self pity party, it’s my own dang fault. I could sit and think about how I do not like how my tummy looks, or instead I can think hey I have nice looking feet. It’s a weird random thought, but something like that usually shakes me out of my own head. Reminds me that there is more to me then the parts I don’t like. Finding confidence in yourself can sometimes literally mean, finding the parts you are confident in. Even if some days all you can find is that you like the way your pinky toe nail looks. Always find something.
It also serves as a reminder that sitting and sulking, will just lead to more sitting and sulking. So thinking about tea instead, or even what adorable outfit I can dress EJ in later gets me on a different track.
Change your outfit a million times if you need to in order to help with finding confidence
Literally a million times. So many. Clothes can make or break your confidence. Put on something too tight, you feel like a sausage. Something too loose, and you don’t feel cute and cozy. Instead you feel like you crawled out of a hole, that someone should put you back into and end your misery.
If I put on an outfit, that in my head looked amazing, but on my body… doesn’t live up to what I imagined, it can drag me down SO fast. It can ruin my entire day, and any confidence I was feeling. I used to just end up wallowing in this feeling, and putting my pajamas back on while committing to it being a crappy day. Instead, I try to remind myself I am the thinker of my thoughts. I return to my closet and I will go through every single article of clothing if I have to, until I find something. Usually, leggings that come up over my tummy, with a bit of a looser top and a cardigan.
Does it sound like a mind blowing outfit? Not so much. However, I feel comfortable as well as stylish as long as the colors go together and everything is relatively clean.
Do something that you are good at
I mean anything. Anything you feel you are good at, that makes you feel awesome. Your great at reading a good book? At cooking? Maybe baking, or making a killer cup of tea. Who knows. It can literally be anything that you feel you are good at, or brings you a bit of joy. Get your mind off of yourself, off what you think you can’t do. Or how you think you should look. Switch to something you know you love, that makes you feel strong, or relaxed or happy.
It’s the small things, not the giant declarations that help you find confidence
Saying that reminding yourself what your body went through is such a large declaration. Being able to confidently remind yourself of that when your feeling low is a big step, one you should work towards. Because if you try it the first time, and it doesn’t work, you will be left feeling even worse. So some smaller steps, working your way up is a bit easier to manage. At least for me.
I once read, in Shonda Rhymes book, that standing like wonder woman for five minutes can help with your confidence. While I haven’t thought to give that a try yet, what I have done instead, is doing random dance parties. When no one is around, or it’s just me and my son, I put on my favorite song of the day. Then I purposely bust out the most ridiculous dance moves I can possible come up with. I take up as much space as possible, and try to look as weird as I can. It makes EJ laugh, which makes me laugh, and it brings me a rush of joy. In those moments, I don’t care how stupid I look, or that my stomach is shaking. I care that we are laughing, then we are having fun.
It brings me confidence in the rest of my day, because I’ve already gone out of my way to look stupid, and I enjoyed it. It was fun, and that takes the scariness away from worrying about my potentially looking dumb. In this case, finding confidence, can mean finding it in your dance moves. Or maybe jokingly striking some random poses.
Do something silly, let go, remind yourself that your body can be a source of so much fun instead of a source of pain for you.
Find a podcast. Or audiobook.
Having small humans makes it difficult to sit down and read a book. It makes it hard to sit down in general ever. So when someone says relax with a book, all you can think is ‘with what time.’ You might also think, how does reading a book help me with finding confidence in myself?
This is where podcasts come in! Podcasts, audiobooks, even youtube. Find something you love and listen to it. Kids are watching the same episode of paw patrol for the millionth time, and you are about to loose your sanity? Podcast! You can throw anything on in the background. True crime, personal development, ted talks, whatever you want that you love. Listening to something will make it easier to get up and get that stuff done that you have on your to do list.
I find it so easy to clean, or run after EJ when something is on that I enjoy but don’t have to actually sit and commit to watching all of. I can bring my phone with me anywhere to keep listening, so moving around is suddenly a lot more enjoyable when I still get to focus on some sort of adult topic instead of peppa the pig.
When you check stuff off your to do list, or even wander aimlessly throughout the house while keeping your mind busy it’s so much easier to remind yourself how awesome you are. Okay, my tummy is a little saggy, BUT I cleaned my entire house while listening to serial killer podcasts. So clearly I’m a badass.
You are keeping tiny humans alive. It’s hard.
Give. Yourself. A. Break.
Recognize your thoughts, recognize how you are feeling, and acknowledge it. Acknowledge that you need just as much patience and love as when you are attempting to teach your children something new. Finding confidence in yourself, is definitely teaching yourself something new. You are learning how amazing you are, and unlearning all the negative things you used to tell yourself.
Will everyday be easy? NOPE. Sorry, no one wants to hear that it will take a bit of effort everyday. But everyone that says it gets easier? They are right. It doesn’t seem like it when you first start, and sometimes it will get the better of you, but don’t give up on yourself. You can do this momma. Your amazing.
Head over to my post about my first mothers day and read about how I moved past my expectations to have such an amazing day! http://mindfulmommybear.com/my-first-mothers-day/
If you have a pet, they can make wonderful accountability partners, or even just amazing cheerleaders. No one wants to see you succeed like you pet wants to see you succeed. Check out this post http:// https://www.certapet.com/faq/what-is-an-emotional-support-animal/ they have wonderful information on how your animal can emotional support you.
Don’t forget, you got this momma!