Let’s talk post partum depression
I’m going to be completely honest with you. Post partum depression wasn’t THAT hard for me. I’m not saying that as a way to imply that its easy and everyone should be able to simply move past it. It’s hard, it WAS hard but not as hard as it could have been for me. The reason? I prepared myself, but more importantly I prepared my husband.
Recognizing different signs of post partum depression
It’s not always sadness. Let that sink in. Yes, a lot of the times it shows up as a never ending abyss of sadness. I am most definitely not saying that is in anyway easier to go through. I am saying that it’s not always sadness, and that makes it even harder to pinpoint when you are in the thick of it.
My post partum depression didn’t suffocate me in sadness, instead I experienced SO much anger. Inexplicable anger that left me feeling so guilty. It just added to my intense depression even more, creating a horrible cycle.
It got to the point where I was screaming back at my poor sweet colicky baby because I just couldn’t control my sudden outbursts of frustration. Then I would collapse sobbing because how could I yell at my beautiful boy who just needed love from me?
I was feeling like such a horrible mother, like everyone deserved better then me. How could I be failing already? It was eating me up and just adding to the mess.
How to make post partum depression a little bit easier
In the end, I only went through this horrible phase for a couple of weeks, it was so easy for me to go get help and here’s why.
When you are in the middle of depression, you are too close to the situation. Sure, you know something is off. But maybe you just need more coffee, or more sleep. Or coffee and sleep. For added measure throw in a maid then you would truly be happy.
You give yourself all these excuses, all these reasons you shouldn’t be feeling this way. Or that maybe it’s just an off day… that turns into an off week, then month, with nothing changing.
What I’m saying, is that you can’t always recognize that something isn’t as it should be, because your too close to step back and take a good hard look. I was absolutely no different.
The change happened when my husband sat me down and said this isn’t like you. All this anger, all this pain your feeling that you are trying to overcome by yourself, is something we can get help for. It wasn’t until he pointed out just how angry I always was, that I could really understand my bad day was turning into every day, that there was a hole I was digging and didn’t know how to get out of.
I thought I could handle it by myself, just one more good night of sleep and I would be back to normal. The truth is, it takes SO long for your body to return to normal, and it has nothing to do with you or how much sleep you get. You spent 9 months creating this tiny human, and now that your tiny human is out of you, your body has no idea what to do with all these rampant hormones.
It’s okay. It’s natural. You are not crazy.
It takes time to self regulate back to where you were before, and sometimes you never get back there.
Talking to my husband before EJ came, we talked about the possibility of post partum depression. He knew it could happen, and he knew that part of supporting me would be to help me if that should happen.
So because he sat me down, because he told me it was okay to get help for what I was dealing with, it switched a light bulb for me. Once he pointed it out, it became so obvious that YES I could get some help, I wasn’t crazy.
You might not notice the change in yourself, but the people closest to you can. Ask them. Ask them to help you even before you need that help, so that they can watch for the warning signs, so that they can be prepared. That way, if post partum depression starts to creep up on you, you are not going months or years before realizing there is a problem.
My little pill is the first thing I do when I get up in the morning, because that tiny pill helps. I’m not ashamed of it, I’m not less of a mother or wife. In fact I’m a better mother and wife because of it. Because of the help it offers.
It’s okay to need help, your still a super woman.
Why suffer if you don’t need to? Talk to your friends and family, ask them to be your eyes when your too close to see that you might be spiraling. Let them catch you before you hit the ground.
You got this momma.
If you enjoyed this post check out my birth story! http://mindfulmommybear.com/my-birth-story/
There are so many resources out there to help you, if you want some amazing resources https://www.postpartum.net/ has some amazing information, no matter where in the world you are.